Introspecting Self-Worth and Validation from a Tarot Reader's Perspective

Is your self-worth based on validation from others? Learn how to break free from external approval and build self-worth from within using your values and actions. Tarot reader Lavanya shares her journey and tips.

JUST LIFE

Tarot Lavanya

3/26/20243 min read

Hey,

I don't know whether to call it a phase or a constant, but I often question what I'm doing with my life. 

Much of what I've built feels like luck, and any achievement that cannot be attributed to luck, I end up rationalising as something anyone could do.

This emotion seemed exclusive to me until I realised a lot of people go through this; a self-worth crisis so to speak.

Self-worth is a tricky metric, while it does give us a sense of our worth as an individual, it rarely reconciles with the fact that worth is not a universal metric - it is an inherently personal one.

But, if self-worth is such a personal thing, why do we question our self-worth so much?

Enter Validation

To explain the relationship between validation and self-worth, let’s start with a question:

“If you feel a certain way about yourself, and if no one else shares that feeling, how would you feel?“

Our self-worth often seeks external confirmation in the form of validation or approval, usually from those close to us (family, partners, friends) or those we aspire to be associated with (role models, peers, bosses, etc.).

And while it is a fair expectation that the people we love and value should validate and approve us for who we are, my years of tarot reading experience tells a different story.

My experience shows the biggest blow to self-worth often comes from loved ones. Overcritical parents pushing their kids with negativity crush confidence. Dismissive partners belittle achievements, making you feel insignificant. Even narcissistic role models, like bosses or family, can insist their success is the only path, devaluing yours.

When such traumatic events occur, the effects can be long-lasting, impacting our behaviours in ways like developing "imposter syndrome" or exhibiting extreme submissiveness due to an excessive need for validation. 

And this influence doesn't disappear overnight. Even if we escape the environment or the people who invalidated us, their voices can linger in our heads, subtly shaping our decisions.

  1. Think of making unaligned career choices to satisfy parents

  2. Think of adopting societally-accepted dressing styles, especially as women, to avoid judgement.

  3. Think of downplaying accomplishment to luck to satisfy your partner's ego.

And so on…., I think you get the picture.

So, how do you break the cycle of self-worth and validation?

Firstly, you have to realise that “self-worth does not always come from external validation”. 

If I were you, I would print this and put it on a wall. 

Secondly, there are more concrete ways to assess your own self-worth that do not rely on external mediums, such as:

1) Identifying your own values - If you know what you truly value in life (fulfilling your parents dream do not count btw), and if you are on the way to achieve it or if you have already achieved it then you will feel a strong sense of your worth.

2) Actions instead of Aspirations - You want to be something (say a business person), are you actually doing something about it? 

  • If yes then you do not need someone else to validate you.

  • If not then you already know what to do.

3) Foster supportive relationships - You should surround yourself with people who value you for who you are and not what you will be in the future. And if you do not have such people or the opposite of such people then you should focus on distancing yourself from them.

These are just some of the ways and there are tons of things that you can do to build your self-worth without relying on external validation. Finally, if you want to take professional help to identify and resolve such patterns then you can explore my services below, and I will definitely try to help you find a path to recovery.

PS - I had the biggest writer's block writing this mail, partly because I'm also going through a similar situation and still navigating my way out. Completing it felt like a self-healing exercise, and I truly hope you'll try writing something too, even just a few lines. I believe it can spark a feeling that will guide you towards the answer you deserve.

If it helps, you can also share it with me and the community at founder@tarotwithlavanya.com.

Hope you have a great week.